2018: A Reflection

2018

I had thought that 2017 was a roller-coaster of a year...but I hadn't met 2018 yet. It began with a leap of faith- coming off all medications I had been on for almost six years (remind me not to do that again...), and those leaps of faith just kept coming. 

January was dark.

It was quitting medications cold turkey. It was an arrival and a departure within 24 hours of one another, leaving me in shattered pieces and unsure what to do. It was new classes and new professors. It was 1AM nights in either Printy or Lawlor watching "The Office" and playing MarioKart and Smash Bros. It was braving 30 degree temps in Columbus all day for a night of worshipping with friends. It was panic attacks and weight loss.

February was a blur.

It was a bitter Super Bowl loss. It was a prayer journal started. It was theological differences. It was being left without a church to call home. It was laughter over someone's van almost being swallowed by Cedar Lake. It was sending myself a dozen roses on Valentine's Day. It was random 75 degree days, Young's Runs, and an impromptu Ohio State basketball game. It was waiting for February to be over and for March to come. (Little did I know what I was waiting for...)

March was wild (in the most non-ironic sense of the word):

It was grabbing cans of tuna and feeding feral cats with a friend at 10PM. It was 3 new states and a new province visited. It was 1AM chats and tea with precious Canadian family. But then it was insomnia. It was watching the clock turn to 5AM night after night and missing classes. It was panic and questioning God. It was tears, lots of tears. It was suicidal thoughts. It was being minutes away from dropping out. It was the sheer Providence of God. It was two professors I learned to trust, and I knew cared for my well-being. It was the reintroduction of medication. But it was a decision to not return.

April was a juxtaposition:

It was an Easter spent in Florida with my grandparents and favorite aunt and uncle. It was a sunburn that would haunt me the rest of the year. It was a tornado that happened an hour after I arrived back on campus. It was applying to other colleges. It was fights with the financial aid office. It was precious time spent with Lynette. It was flowers blooming and temperatures rising. It was a new favorite coffee drink. It was an interview that impressed me, and a building I fell in love with. It was a chapel that changed me, and changed my mind. It was the return of a friend. It was a new church I could call home. It was a frantic call to my father, making a decision that would change everything. It was a blind leap of faith.

May was the hope of a new beginning:

It was a return to Maine, and the knowing that I had made the right decision to return to Ohio come fall time. It was another decision, to move across campus and live where my mum did nearly 30 years ago. It was excitement after stumbling across another class with my favorite professor and signing up for it. It was finally meeting a man I had looked up to my entire life. It was scones, and tiaras, and waking up at 4:30AM for a royal wedding that I had long awaited. And it was the beginning of a summer course load that I had not anticipated.


June was unsettling:

It was attending a baseball game with an old friend. It was the return of feeling stuck and like I'd go crazy spending one more minute in Aroostook County. It was Tim Horton's...a lot of Tim Horton's. It was going to a place I had called home all my life...and it not quite feeling like I fit there anymore. It was confusion and heartbreak.

July was wistful:

It was the danger of getting a C in Biology. It was a blissful trip to Walker's Point. It was running into a favorite senator at a random bookstore. It was color-coding, scheming, and dreaming. It was getting antsy for a fresh start. It was the dream of getting back to Ohio early, and booking my ticket. It was saying a bittersweet farewell to the place I have always loved, not knowing my place anymore.

August was surprising:

It was a final trip to my dear Canada for a donair run. It was an early morning stop at my favorite doughnut place. It was a 17-hour train ride that gave me sweet time to reflect. It was the end of a 4.0 semester (the only one I'll probably ever get). It was coming back to Ohio early. It was 7 days spent with a friend and her family. It was a move to a new side of campus. It was a new walking path and routine that I have grown to love dearly. It was familiar and friendly faces. It was helping Ashley settle into campus. It was unexpected isolation that turned out to be extra time with the Lord that I needed. It was learning to trust.

September was breathtaking:

It was the most gorgeous sunrises and sunsets you will ever see. It was a dream job I never thought I would get, but I did. It was a solid church routine and falling in love with my Life Group. It was another trip to Washington D.C. It was 8 Starbucks visits in 3 days. It was losing a dear friendship, but gaining so many even sweeter ones. It was a paper that I felt I put my entire life into. It was being honest with myself. It was realizing I had bitten off more than I could chew. It was a professor looking out for me. It was getting the help I needed.

October was wonderful:

It was midterms that were actually a joy to take. It was greeting prospective students. It was Homecoming with Lynette. It was celebrating New England with other New Englanders at a professor's house. It was birthday cheesecake with Laura. It was celebrating 20 years of life with Lynette, Jenna, and Jon. It was a fun hayride with Jenna. It was joining a sweet group of ladies for D-group. It was the beginning of Wednesday lunches at 11 with Kristen. It was wondering about my future. It was getting counsel from Dr. Smith and Dr. Mach. It was counting it all joys.

November was special:

It was coffee dates, so many coffee dates. It was Tuesday lunches at 11 or 1 at Stinger's with Laura. It was card-making, so much card-making, and a new friend to do it with. It was a mentor, a woman mentor for once. It was more meetings with Dr. Smith as well as Dr. Mach, and a sense of peace that accompanied them. It was an unexpected ice storm. It was giggling whilst sitting on the floor and throwing Hershey Kiss wrappers down the hallway in the department building amidst a power outage. It was unexpected text messages that brought so much joy and friendship. It was decorating for Christmas. It was a small stuffed pig wearing a Cedarville sweater. It was running out of exchange meals because I'd had so many wonderful lunch dates. It was a Thanksgiving to be truly grateful for. It was showing Lynette my church. Oh November- how I adored you.

December was a beautiful mess:

It was an unexpected death. It was Starbucks with Cam. It was a 62 degree day, and playing like children at a playground with my roommate. It was learning to laugh at myself as I failed at various things, like making Oreo balls. It was not-so-great news. It was flowers received and hugs given. It was overcoming my hatred of having to use a microphone at the department Christmas party. It was finals. It was a lunch with Dr. Mach and a quick meeting with Dr. Smith that calmed my heart before returning to Maine. It was an impromptu detour to see Carillon Park lit up. It was Lynette staying with me in Dayton later than she needed to, to make sure I started home safely. It was the 86th floor of the Empire State Building with blinding rain, 0% visibility, and 40MPH wind gusts. It was doctor visits. It was a melancholy, but nevertheless blessed Christmas. 

It's been such a trying, but truly good year. 

21 states and 2 Canadian provinces traveled to.

10 sweet friendships made.

13 As achieved in classes.

4 jobs held.

12 months of God's faithfulness.

Who knows what 2019 will bring?

All I know is I am ready for more adventures!!

(...maybe I shouldn't say that...😉)

Laura xx