Last semester, when I went through that solid week-and-a-half running on 2-3 hours of sleep per night due to the absence of my anxiety medication, that was the album that I chose to play as I laid awake in tears. It didn't get me to sleep that time around, but the album and specifically that song kept me reminded of the faithfulness of God and His nature during that intense trial.
I use the song as an illustration, we still sing it every week as we minister to residents at the Good Shepherd Village, and it can be guaranteed that every week I will be reduced to a puddle of tears trying to sing it. I cannot look back at this past year at Cedarville without my heart crying out the chorus.
He has been so faithful.
Being amidst the trials that marked my year at Cedarville last year, I was only able to see the little things that God was doing, and even then sometimes I would refuse to acknowledge them. Most of you are familiar with the context, so I will not delve into the gory details too much. I was just bitter: bitter about finances, bitter about my lack of support in Ohio, bitter about the situation at home...etc. It's so embarrassing honestly to look back because what God was orchestrating was so visible and tactile that in some aspects it couldn't be ignored.
The intentional, loving people that he placed into my life, though some only for a season, helped me realize my own personal failings towards God, and that it was me making myself miserable, and not God spiting me. Faculty, staff, and administration here at Cedarville that have turned into mentors and accountability partners...classmates that have turned into sweet friends...Lynette, though she had grown up with my aunt and uncle, took the time to invest in a fellow County girl who was struggling with her transition to Ohio. Now those along with fellow Dayton Avenue attendees who want to invest in my life through our LifeGroup...
Trips that I've taken over the past year- especially the Providence of God when it came to my difficult spring semester and the week I was able to spend recouping in Florida, when it should have been devastating to miss a week of classes. God has exactly who is needed as our Academic Vice-President, and had it so that I had easy access to him as a professor who poured into my life during that time and made sure that everything was working out with my other professors so I could take a rest.
He has also shown me that I have a solid place here at Cedarville, and that there is not a shadow of a doubt that He placed me here for a reason. You all know that isolation and a sense of not belonging was an overwhelming theme of my last school year. I was confused on what my place was, or if I even had a a place here, period. This year, I am glad to say, has been overwhelmingly different. Now, that is not to say that everything has been sunshine and roses this first quarter, but nonetheless.
There was no real time of "transition" when I got here, and that was the biggest surprise of all. I was back into a routine from pretty much the time that I landed on campus. From the start, doors I had never expected kept being opened to me. I have been able to take on four jobs, including being the research assistant to the History & Gov't Department's Chairman. Most recently, I have been asked to join the Student Advisory Board to the H&G Department. It thrills me to no end to actually be able to interact so deeply with the department and professors I treasure so much. I still don't know why God is blessing me with things such as this, but I thank him daily for it all.
Even when things are tough, when I'm busy from 6:30AM-10PM, or stressed because of exams and papers due, or I am awake until 1:30AM for no known reason, He still shows His faithfulness. Whether it is a friend who randomly texts me to let me know they're praying for me or that they love me, or ask if I want to catch a quick meal. The prof who knows my struggles, and stops me after class and truly wants to know how I am holding up and if he can do anything. My daily phone call with my Nana, where I can lay everything down and just chat and hear her voice. The chapel where we actually sing hymns, or a chapel speaker who shocks me by speaking directly to my heart. My daily walks around Cedar Lake where I can just think and pray for those I see and thank him for this school and campus.
My finances are still not stable. My mental health is still not stable. There are still days where I am vulnerable, and I have to find a public place where I can surround myself with people, for fear of spending a night locked up in my mind.
But through it all, I still find my mind singing to my soul:
The intentional, loving people that he placed into my life, though some only for a season, helped me realize my own personal failings towards God, and that it was me making myself miserable, and not God spiting me. Faculty, staff, and administration here at Cedarville that have turned into mentors and accountability partners...classmates that have turned into sweet friends...Lynette, though she had grown up with my aunt and uncle, took the time to invest in a fellow County girl who was struggling with her transition to Ohio. Now those along with fellow Dayton Avenue attendees who want to invest in my life through our LifeGroup...
Trips that I've taken over the past year- especially the Providence of God when it came to my difficult spring semester and the week I was able to spend recouping in Florida, when it should have been devastating to miss a week of classes. God has exactly who is needed as our Academic Vice-President, and had it so that I had easy access to him as a professor who poured into my life during that time and made sure that everything was working out with my other professors so I could take a rest.
He has also shown me that I have a solid place here at Cedarville, and that there is not a shadow of a doubt that He placed me here for a reason. You all know that isolation and a sense of not belonging was an overwhelming theme of my last school year. I was confused on what my place was, or if I even had a a place here, period. This year, I am glad to say, has been overwhelmingly different. Now, that is not to say that everything has been sunshine and roses this first quarter, but nonetheless.
There was no real time of "transition" when I got here, and that was the biggest surprise of all. I was back into a routine from pretty much the time that I landed on campus. From the start, doors I had never expected kept being opened to me. I have been able to take on four jobs, including being the research assistant to the History & Gov't Department's Chairman. Most recently, I have been asked to join the Student Advisory Board to the H&G Department. It thrills me to no end to actually be able to interact so deeply with the department and professors I treasure so much. I still don't know why God is blessing me with things such as this, but I thank him daily for it all.
Even when things are tough, when I'm busy from 6:30AM-10PM, or stressed because of exams and papers due, or I am awake until 1:30AM for no known reason, He still shows His faithfulness. Whether it is a friend who randomly texts me to let me know they're praying for me or that they love me, or ask if I want to catch a quick meal. The prof who knows my struggles, and stops me after class and truly wants to know how I am holding up and if he can do anything. My daily phone call with my Nana, where I can lay everything down and just chat and hear her voice. The chapel where we actually sing hymns, or a chapel speaker who shocks me by speaking directly to my heart. My daily walks around Cedar Lake where I can just think and pray for those I see and thank him for this school and campus.
My finances are still not stable. My mental health is still not stable. There are still days where I am vulnerable, and I have to find a public place where I can surround myself with people, for fear of spending a night locked up in my mind.
But through it all, I still find my mind singing to my soul:
All I hath needed, Thy hand hath provided. Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.
Laura xx
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